I can’t tell you the number of news alerts that I see every week that have some crime or another – shoplifting, running drugs or other sleight of hand larceny – that involves a bra. I suppose it’s because the bra is already holding something – adding an additional item in there seems like a small thing.

Two stories were in today’s news. One is out of the UK, regarding a woman who was found with heroin in her bra. She was foolish enough to put it there on request of a friend, according to her story.

Of course, there are many items that are smuggled in bras: merchandise of various sorts, money, drugs of all kinds. What are these women thinking? Just because you have cleavage does not mean you are exempt from a thorough search. Just ask Nancy Kates: her underwire bra tripped airport security, and she was told she’d have to strip off everything to prove she wasn’t taking something illegal onto the plane. She was smart enough to simply remove her bra from under her outfit and get through security that way – but not before her flight had left.

Then there is the woman in Florida who was caught yesterday with cocaine in her bra. She was acting strangely and confronting other patrons at a gas station. Obviously, police detained her. No wonder her stash was found.

Honestly, if you are going to do something stupid, and you happen to be female, the authorities are likely going to check your bra, your panties and anything else you are wearing. You might as well just cough up whatever you are hiding.

I guess expecting criminals to be smart would be a bit of a contradiction in terms. After all, it’s not very smart to be breaking the law in the first place – so hiding the spoils in a bra is probably the lesser of all evils.

Seems to me, if you are going to hide something in your bra, plan ahead. Some bras come with cute little pockets to hold a silicone falsie, also known as a “chicken cutlet”. Depending on what you are trying to hide, your own homemade falsie could go right in there.

Of course, this is assuming that you are planning a future as a professional criminal.