A Gift of Trouble

Two days before Christmas and it’s panic time across North America for plenty of guys.

Again this year you’ve left the gift shopping for your wife/girlfriend/FB until the last minute and, again, you have no idea what to get. But you know it had better be good.

An obvious, almost instinctive, solution is to head for the nearest Victoria’s Secret, La Senza or similar lingerie boutique. I mean, what woman doesn’t love anything that comes in a VS bag, right?

Wrong. Buying a slinky teddy or a sleek Spanx bodysuit or a $200 French bra will cause you nothing but problems.

Here’s five good reasons why NOT to buy your loved one a sexy lingerie gift for Christmas:

• You’ll get the size wrong. Trust me, you will. Even women can’t figure out their own size half the time. And giving her something that doesn’t fit sends a killer message: that you don’t really know her.
• It shows no imagination. Seriously, women (or anyone, for that matter) love gifts that show you really thought about the matter long and hard before coming up with something that perfectly reflects her uniqueness. A gift of underwear says: “Sorry, I drew a blank.”
• What will she tell her mother? People love to tell each other about gifts given and received. What’s she going to say to her sister, her co-workers, her mom? “John gave me a fur-lined ensemble from the Stag Shop?” I don’t think so. And don’t even think about trying to hide it from the kids!
• She’ll have to return it. For the above reasons, your sweetie will almost certainly have to head back to the mall with your Visa receipt in hand. Spare yourself (and her) THAT humiliation.
• Christmas is not about sex, dummy. Seriously, you had to be told? Shame on you.

Let’s face it, guys. Shopping for lingerie is a minefield. But one that can be handled both creatively and enjoyably – just not at Christmas time. Now Valentine’s Day is an entirely different story. We’ll talk about that next month.

Oh, and here’s an insider secret. Many years ago I ventured into a lingerie boutique at Christmas time (before I learned the above rules!). For reasons I can’t recall, I came away with an ankle-length, ultra-thick and soft winter nightie for my lady friend. The unsexiest gift you could imagine, and one that showed I cared more about her comfort than my, umm, needs. And, I’m happy to say, that time I got it right!

A happy Christmas to you all!